The day after the death, Alma's sister-in-law arrived at the house with her family's donation to discover that no arrangements had been made about the body. So she talked to the local government official who in turn arranged with the funeral home to do a "subsidized" embalming. The funeral home then sent a vehicle over to get the body. Alma's mother and the sister-in-law accompanied the body and the mother signed the papers, and a down payment was made. They then went home and several hours later the body was returned to the house already embalmed.
The plan is to keep the body at the house for the next nine days while the expensive burial site is being readied (the cement has to dry.) A lot of people believe that the spirits of the dead can come back and make the living sick, so it would be foolhardy in the extreme to NOT fulfill the dying wish of a person, in this case, to be buried in the expensive cemetery. The in-laws understand this as well as anybody.
So what do you do with a body in the house for nine days? You set up tables so neighbors can come over and drink and gamble. The deal is that the winner is supposed to contribute a portion of his winnings to the family of the deceased. Meanwhile the family of the deceased has to feed the visitors. The idea is that eventually the income will exceed the outlay. Having a lot of people around also ensures that nobody has to be alone with the corpse.
Alma's mother has not been idle. In addition to continuing to pressure the in-laws to find more cash, she managed to talk a local politician into donating a sack of rice (elections are coming up next month) and his rival donated some food also. Alma's husband's boss also made a largish contribution, which to the husband's annoyance has been spent on juice for the visitors and flowers (a LOT of flowers) and a fancy tent insteed of going to pay the funeral home or the cemetery.
So maybe in the end Alma will get her wish after all.
I am off tomorrow to the second of my worlds and one of the things I will do there is attend a funeral.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The sad story of Alma
Alma was an only child. Her parents indulged her terribly. Everything she wanted, she got, though her family was not particularly well off. After Alma’s father died several years ago Alma continued to live with her mother and grandparents. Three years ago she got married and insisted that they live with her family. They now have a 2 year old daughter.
While Alma was pregnant she showed signs of kidney problems and the doctors told her to quite eating junk food, avoid salt, and quit drinking Coke, of which she was quite fond. But Alma was always accustomed to do what she wanted to do so she ignored the advice. In January this year she was hospitalized. with a blood creatinine of over 900 Umol/L (normal is 53-97). The doctors found both kidneys shrunken and non-functional and said that there is nothing they can do unless she wants to go on permanent dialysis.
The family of course cannot afford dialysis and there is no insurance or government subsidy here for catastrophic illness. Her previous employer, like many, had not paid her social security so she didn’t have any help from that either. The doctor said dialysis would have to be 2-3 times weekly for the rest of her life plus medications. In addition she would have dietary restrictions - not that she had ever shown much interest in restricting her diet.
Alma was by then quite sick. She had stopped urinating and was instead losing water through other orifices. They took her home. Then three weeks ago she had a dream in which her dead father appeared and told her she needs to live for the sake of her child. So she insisted that she be taken back to the hospital and put on dialysis. Her mother was willing to sell her rickety house and the small plot of land it stands on, though it is unlikely that it would bring enough to cover very many weeks of dialysis and so would only postpone the inevitable. (And then they would have nowhere to live.)
Alma was readmitted to the hospital but her condition deteriorated there, so in the end they took her back home. Alma’s husband had taken unpaid leave from work because of the hospitalizations but feeling the pressure of all the accumulating debt went back to work despite his mother-in-law’s protests that he should stay at his wife’s side.
Poor Alma. In death as in life, her first thoughts were for herself. She asked her husband to never marry again. Her dying wish was to be buried next to her father in an expensive cemetery some distance away that requires expensive vault and coffin. She never seemed to be concerned about where money would come from, and continued to eat and drink what she wanted. These last two weeks she has been mostly semi-comatose. Today Alma died, at age 32.
Alma’s in-laws are upset and some are having nightmares. Alma’s mother has never been shy about demanding money from them for the wedding, the baby, the hospitalizations, medicine. And no doubt she will now demand they take out more loans to pay for the expensive burial. The in-laws feel very stressed at the debt they have already incurred and upset at what seems to them to be extravagance. In fact, the local community fund has offered to pay for burial but Alma’s mother refused because the fund will not pay for the expensive burial in teh expensive cemetery.
I never met Alma. I know her story through her in-laws, who are obviously quite biased. But surely there was something loveable about Alma. Her parents certainly loved her. Even now her mother continues to try to indulge her last whim. Her husband also loved her enough to stay until the end, and it can’t have been easy to watch. And surely her daughter loves her. As for me, I feel very, very sad. I also feel a bit of relief that it is over, yet also some exasperation at the inability of Alma’s mother to see the real burden her need to indulge has caused to others. I also feel angry that employers can skirt the law by only pretending to pay the social security and then when a worker needs it finds out they can't get help because it’s not been paid. Although Alma didn’t seem to be a great candidate for dialysis because of her lack of compliance, yet it distresses me that she really didn’t have a choice because there is no way they could pay for it.
If only we lived in a perfect world....
While Alma was pregnant she showed signs of kidney problems and the doctors told her to quite eating junk food, avoid salt, and quit drinking Coke, of which she was quite fond. But Alma was always accustomed to do what she wanted to do so she ignored the advice. In January this year she was hospitalized. with a blood creatinine of over 900 Umol/L (normal is 53-97). The doctors found both kidneys shrunken and non-functional and said that there is nothing they can do unless she wants to go on permanent dialysis.
The family of course cannot afford dialysis and there is no insurance or government subsidy here for catastrophic illness. Her previous employer, like many, had not paid her social security so she didn’t have any help from that either. The doctor said dialysis would have to be 2-3 times weekly for the rest of her life plus medications. In addition she would have dietary restrictions - not that she had ever shown much interest in restricting her diet.
Alma was by then quite sick. She had stopped urinating and was instead losing water through other orifices. They took her home. Then three weeks ago she had a dream in which her dead father appeared and told her she needs to live for the sake of her child. So she insisted that she be taken back to the hospital and put on dialysis. Her mother was willing to sell her rickety house and the small plot of land it stands on, though it is unlikely that it would bring enough to cover very many weeks of dialysis and so would only postpone the inevitable. (And then they would have nowhere to live.)
Alma was readmitted to the hospital but her condition deteriorated there, so in the end they took her back home. Alma’s husband had taken unpaid leave from work because of the hospitalizations but feeling the pressure of all the accumulating debt went back to work despite his mother-in-law’s protests that he should stay at his wife’s side.
Poor Alma. In death as in life, her first thoughts were for herself. She asked her husband to never marry again. Her dying wish was to be buried next to her father in an expensive cemetery some distance away that requires expensive vault and coffin. She never seemed to be concerned about where money would come from, and continued to eat and drink what she wanted. These last two weeks she has been mostly semi-comatose. Today Alma died, at age 32.
Alma’s in-laws are upset and some are having nightmares. Alma’s mother has never been shy about demanding money from them for the wedding, the baby, the hospitalizations, medicine. And no doubt she will now demand they take out more loans to pay for the expensive burial. The in-laws feel very stressed at the debt they have already incurred and upset at what seems to them to be extravagance. In fact, the local community fund has offered to pay for burial but Alma’s mother refused because the fund will not pay for the expensive burial in teh expensive cemetery.
I never met Alma. I know her story through her in-laws, who are obviously quite biased. But surely there was something loveable about Alma. Her parents certainly loved her. Even now her mother continues to try to indulge her last whim. Her husband also loved her enough to stay until the end, and it can’t have been easy to watch. And surely her daughter loves her. As for me, I feel very, very sad. I also feel a bit of relief that it is over, yet also some exasperation at the inability of Alma’s mother to see the real burden her need to indulge has caused to others. I also feel angry that employers can skirt the law by only pretending to pay the social security and then when a worker needs it finds out they can't get help because it’s not been paid. Although Alma didn’t seem to be a great candidate for dialysis because of her lack of compliance, yet it distresses me that she really didn’t have a choice because there is no way they could pay for it.
If only we lived in a perfect world....
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Summer
It is summer. Schools here are on vacation. This has several implications for life over the next couple of months.
If it is hot people say it’s because it is summer. If it is rainy people say it is because it is summer. My personal observation is that it is always summer – it is always hot and rains often. But at this time of year you can hear people advising us to be sure to drink a lot because it is summer. Be sure to keep cool and bathe often. There is a special watermelon and menthol shampoo that is sold only in the summer. Advertisements for junk drinks center around it being summer. Ads for hair and skin care do too.
So, it is summer. Deal with it.
1) Traffic is considerably less congested because school kids aren’t going to and from school morning and afternoon, nor home for lunch.
2) Lines at the supermarket aren’t so long now at noon. During the school year kids flood into the stores over the lunch hour to buy junk food and junk drinks, just at the time the cashiers are taking off for their lunch breaks.
3) Jay walkers are all over the place so driving bcomes more hazardous.
4) It’s quieter in the early morning and the water pressure is stronger because fewer people are trying to bathe and wash clothes at the same time.
5) During the day it can be much noisier as kids are out and about all day. One neighbor’s grandson has apparently moved in for the holiday with his electric guitar which he practices all day long. He certainly does need the practice since what he plays is not exactly pleasant to listen to, (no recognizable notes or rhythm) but I sure wish he would turn the volume down a bit! (Is it legitimate to pray for a brownout??)
6) Some places, such as churches, are less crowded because many people are out of town, but other places, like beaches, are more crowded.
If it is hot people say it’s because it is summer. If it is rainy people say it is because it is summer. My personal observation is that it is always summer – it is always hot and rains often. But at this time of year you can hear people advising us to be sure to drink a lot because it is summer. Be sure to keep cool and bathe often. There is a special watermelon and menthol shampoo that is sold only in the summer. Advertisements for junk drinks center around it being summer. Ads for hair and skin care do too. So, it is summer. Deal with it.
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